This week’s prompt for Wicked Wednesday brought back old memories. I have to say that it is because of the internet that I figured out my kink. That’s not to say that I didn’t know I was different before the internet, I was fully aware.  (My nick name wasn’t spanky in my high-school yearbook for nothing) But I didn’t know how deeply it went until I came across a chat room.

Here’s the way it went.

My husband was in the military, and we were stationed over seas.  We had internet in high school, but I didn’t really know what it was. (I was 18 when we got married- about 6 mos after graduation) My husband, the IT guy, introduced me to what it was really like. He got me hooked on an online game The Realm, which was like minecraft with horrible graphics and no rock breaking. When my husband would go into the field for weeks at a time, I’d play the game for hours and hours. Eventually, I made a few online friends.

One was a guy, and I can’t remember his name now, but he was a middle aged married man who used the internet as an escape from his sexless marriage. I don’t remember the particulars, but I do remember him mentioning a chat room for BDSM. I had no idea what the hell that meant, which led me to an internet search. Which led me to a dozen chatrooms, web sites, videos, and books. All of that led me to realizing something very specific about myself.  I was not the only women in the world who wanted her husband to take her by her hair, throw her over the bed,  spank her until she cried, and then fuck her until she exploded. The idea of being put in a cage and having naughty things done me, actually seemed like a standard fantasy compared to some of the things I found.

So there I was, 19, married, and living an ocean away from all my friends and family. My husband was away during this revelation of mine, and I couldn’t wait for him to get home. And boy did he have a surprise when he did.  I wanted to hit the ground running and explore all of the new things I learned about.  Poor guy. He never saw it coming.

That was 15 years ago. The internet plays a huge role in my life now, as it does everyone’s.  I don’t really frequent chat rooms anymore because well…the few I used to go to have all dried up and faded away. (MIRC). I used to ICQ chat…is that even around anymore?  MSN Messenger…I don’t think I used that one… I really wasn’t all that internet savvy back then.

Sometimes I wonder if I hadn’t run into that guy, if he hadn’t mentioned the term BDSM, would I have found my way into my light? How long would I have floundered with passions that I didn’t know had an actual chance of fulfillment?