This morning I popped over to Exhibit A’s blog which led me to the Brit Babes blog where he is guest blogging this week. His awesomely written and entertaining post touched on great sex, so of course that made me think about bad sex.

When I was younger I said ,”There’s no such thing as bad sex if your having it with someone you love.” Yeah. I’d like to slap that bitch, too.   I wasn’t entirely wrong, but mostly.  I kept up with this theory until I experienced bad sex. I truly did love the man, we’ve been married for nearly 16 yrs- so how could it possibly have been bad!?

A woman I work with has a multitude of issues with men. She’s married, but dates other men (most of whom are married as well). She says her husband is horrible in the sack, but he makes a good living so she stays- kinda. It’s messy.  I asked her once if she ever told her husband what he was doing wrong, and she looked at me as though I had just given birth to a baby elephant right in the office. So I’m going to say she hasn’t, therefore I’m saying it’s not her husbands fault.  It’s hers.

For those that meet someone in a bar and head home after last call, this theory won’t apply to you. You have nothing invested in that relationship. If you get stuck with a bad lay, there’s always next week. I’m talking to those that are in good relationships, solid relationships. Married, dating, doesn’t matter- some level of commitment has been made.

If you are having bad sex, here’s the tool to fix it. Ready? Got a pen? Okay…here it is….tell them! There you go. If you want him to touch your breasts, tell him. If you want her to grip your cock with more pressure and stroke like she means it, tell her.  How can they possibly know what we want if we don’t inform them.

The hardest conversation I’ve ever had with my husband was the one where I told him I wasn’t “normal” in the bedroom. When I told him I wanted rougher stuff, I wanted him to take control. I gave him my list of wants. Things got a hell of a lot better from there.

You don’t have to say, “Wow, you suck in bed. Let me teach you how to do it better.”  You can say something like. “I really love it when you suck on my nipples!” Or “I’m not such a fan of pinching during sex.”

Do it outside the bedroom. Do it calmly. Do it compassionately, but do it.

Exhibit A makes wonderful points about older women being hot because they know what they want and they ask for it. Imagine how much better all of our sex lives could be if we simply ask for what we want. How simple! Yet hard, I know..but do it.

Your sex life is in your hands.