There was once a chance I didn’t take, and it has forever haunted me.  

His name was Derek, and he worked uptown for a large architecture firm.  His interests had less to do with architecture and more to do with keeping his father off of his back.  His father owned the firm.  Derek headed up a team that worked mostly on large apartment complexes in the inner city.  As long as the roofs didn’t fall in, they were considered a success.  

We met on the blue line heading toward the Jackson stop.  He slid into the seat behind me. I could smell his aftershave. It reminded me of my high school guidance counselor, so I turned around.  He flashed me an arrogant smile and nodded his head at me, as though to say ‘what’s up’.  I rolled my eyes at him and turned back to my book.

A warm hand rested on my shoulder. Again, I tore myself away from my novel and turned to him. His smile was more sincere. His eyes softer.

“What are you reading?” He slid up in his seat to peer over my shoulder. I covered the title and kept the book open so as to hide the cover.  “Oh. One of those books.” His smile danced in his eyes. I felt my face flush at his implication.

“No, it’s just a romance- not one of ‘those books’.” I imitated his voice and found myself smiling back at him.  He slid back in his seat again and shrugged.

“That’s too bad.  I love those books. Read ‘em every chance I get.” He looked out the window at the passing scenery.

“Really?” I looked at him in disbelief, turning my torso in my seat so I could see him better.

“Yeah.” He looked over his shoulder and leaned forward, putting his mouth against my ear. “Better than porn most of them.” He spoke slowly, his voice low and his breath warm against my skin.  Instantly a tingling sensation overtook my spine.  

“Really?” I tried to sound innocent, like I hadn’t watched hours of porn each week alone in my apartment.

“Do you think sex can be that erotic in real life?” He continued in his sultry tone and I was melting.  I hadn’t been so close to a man in months. “I mean for a woman to truly become so dripping wet from just a few choice words and a flirty touch to her clit.” I swallowed and tried to control my breathing.  

“Well, I guess.” I rolled my eyes at my own stupidity. He looked over my shoulder. My blouse had unbuttoned and the swell of my breasts could be seen at his angle. I didn’t correct it. He didn’t pretend he wasn’t looking.

“I’m Derek.” He reached a hand over my seat to shake my hand.  I took it. He brought it to his lips and kissed my knuckles.  Not a brash kiss, but a soft, make your knees wobble kiss.

“I’m Hope.” I lied.  I always wanted my name to be Hope.

“You have beautiful breasts.” His eyes drifted down to my shirt. I nibbled my lower lip.  He released my hand and reached further down. I knew where he was headed, and inched closer to him.  His hand dipped into my blouse and felt his fingers slide into my bra. He rubbed my nipple with his palm. “So beautiful.” He whispered into my ear again.

I looked around the train. The only other couple in our car sat facing away from us with headphones perched over their ears. He reached around my other shoulder and slid his free hand into my blouse. I turned in my seat so that he had my back.  

“Put your hand down your pants.” He encouraged me. My breathing was ragged, my heart raced, my brain had shut out all reality.  I pushed my book to the side and slid my hand into my slacks. I scooted down in the seat enough to make the angle work with my hand, I reached my clit. It was slick already. “Play with your clit. Harder.” His breath was hot against my neck.  His hands continued to work my breasts, rolling my nipples between his fingers.

I leaned my head back, allowing a deep moan escape my lips. My muscles tightened, my thighs shook with the need to release.  He began to nibble on my earlobe. I circled my clit faster and with more pressure.  The seat began to shake from my movements. He whispered wicked things in my ear.  “Are you going to come for me? Right here on the train?” His voice low.

“Uh-huh.” I nodded, having lost the ability to speak or think coherently.

“It’s going to feel so good. Feeling yourself explode, right here on the train, with a stranger’s hands down your blouse playing with your pretty tits.” He continued on his sexy tirade as I drew closer to the point of oblivion. “I only wish my tongue could be where your hand is right now.” He took my earlobe into his mouth, and I completely unraveled.

I arched up from the seat and began to shout out my release. His hand slapped over my mouth, pulling me back towards him. He spoke softly, riding out my orgasm with me until the last wave of heat washed over me, and I fell back onto my seat, breathless.  He kissed my hair and smoothed out my blouse.  

I pulled my hand free of my pants and picked up my book. The trains brakes squealed as it pulled into Jackson.  I stood up, my legs shaking, my face hot. He looked up at me from his seat. I could see his erection through his faded jeans.  I tucked a hair behind my ear and gathered my purse.

“Gonna run away, Hope?” He smiled up at me, his eyes full of expectation.  
“Sorry. My stop.” I shuffled my purse over my shoulder and headed for the door. I gave him a glance over my shoulder as I stepped off the train. His expression full of disappointment, his shoulders sagged.  

I couldn’t take the chance that he would be the one. He could just as easily been the one that broke my heart.   

He might have been the one, not a single man has come close to him since.

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