When I….

When I first saw the movie Secretary, it was completely on purpose.  I “heard” about it online and within twenty minutes I went out to the store and bought a copy.  This was before my children arrived and after several years of marriage to my husband. I was still in the middle of trying to figure out what I was feeling inside about all of my submissive thoughts.  I enjoyed spanking, yes…but I wanted more, and I didn’t really know how to express that or what I even meant.

This movie helped to give me the words I could not find.  I know there are probably a lot of things in the movie that some D/s couples would scoff at or disregard- it’s a movie.  Anyway, the one scene that has stuck with me since I saw this movie (I’m guessing 10 yrs ago) is when she is walking home from work.  She says, “I felt held by him…” she felt this because he gave her permission to walk home alone. He instructed her to do so.  This was the feeling I couldn’t convey, this was it. Finally, I had words to express my feelings.

Also, James Spader became my all time favorite- I know it was a character…but the fantasy still lives on within me.