Kink. What does it mean to you..or me…or anyone for that matter? We all have different views of the definition of kink.
For one woman, kink might be having sex outside the missionary position. Another may see it as being suspended in the air by her hair. Kink is whatever the person experiencing it believes it to be.
The first BDSM event I attended was a three day camping adventure that completely changed my views on kink. When we pulled into the campground, I was sure I knew what I’d be seeing and what I thought kink was. Then I saw things I never dreamed of. A woman having her breasts nailed to a board by her Master/husband. Several people being suspended by hooks in their backs. Breath play, knife play, needle play, all sorts of things that fell well outside my limits. But that didn’t make them bad kinks!
Unfortunately there are those out there that think since it’s not for them, it’s not for anyone. But what fun is that!? I thought medical play was creepy and totally not for me (fine for them, but not me) If I had kept my mind closed to the idea, I never would have attended a workshop on medical stapling. I’ve still not tried it, but it’s changed columns on my activities list.
I think the thing that keeps some of us closed up from other’s kinks is that we don’t understand them, and what we don’t understand- we fear. When I saw the woman having her breasts nailed to that board I was completely stupefied. Every safety precaution was in place, the medics were on hand and they were in the medical section of the dungeon. I watched her with three nails in her breast as he placed a long nail next in line and drove it through her flesh and into the wood. Her cry shook me. He had her stand up and hold the board until the pain subsided enough for him to continue.
I thought to myself “How the fuck can that be fun! That is twisted!” I’ll admit it…those thoughts entered my mind. But I didn’t comment to them or anyone else. I left it sit in my mind. She really did seem to be enjoying herself, and after their scene the couple ran back to their tent and laughed while running to the outside showers to have a quick fuck and wash her off. It was completely not my thing. But it wasn’t twisted anymore. Well, maybe a little. But aren’t we all?
What gets my motor going, might not get someone else’s. But does it matter? It’s my motor.
One more thing. You don’t need someone else’s approval to enjoy your kink. If you enjoy it, and you do it safely- they why look outside yourself for permission. If you like sucking toes, go for it. If having someone step on your balls with stiletto heals gets your juices flowing, let no one stop you. If you want to be dragged across the room by your hair, thrown over the bed for long hard spanking and then a harsh pounding- Get to it, what are you waiting for!
It’s your kink, own it!
I think the nailing scene would have been too much for me as well… but as you said so perfectly, that doesn't make it wrong for them. In fact it sounds like they were having a great time.
I totally agree with you about enjoy your kink and bugger what anyone else thinks, the problem comes when people feel they can judge people or even try to criminalize them for their kinks.
I'm all for kinks, but I think there are some (kids, animals) that aren't OK — basically anything where the other party is unable or unwilling to give consent. Other than that, I think everything is fair game. But…
The boob nailing/ball stomping, I admit it, is just way too out there for me. Anything where you're doing damage is just… ick. But I suppose you could say the same thing extreme rope bindings and canings and paddlings — those are doing damage, too. But the person is consenting, so… OK?
There must be a line, though. There was that famous case about 10 years ago of the man who died after agreeing to have his penis cut off and eaten. He consented. Is it OK?
I think everyone has a line. I wouldn't let my husband near me with a hammer and nails, or put his hands around my throat. Most activities I think can be done in a safe manner. I heard a story at camp about one of the women who was hung by her neck- breath play. It was too much for a lot of people to watch. I would have been one of those that walked away. I agree, too dangerous. But…it's not my line to cross. From I've seen..at least at that event…they play as safe as possible. Medics are at the more dangerous scenes and a lot of preparation goes into them. But things can go wrong, too scary for me.
As for the guy who consented to have his penis cut off…gives the phrase “Safe and sane play” a lot more meaning. wow!
I don't think anything having to do with non-consensual individuals- such as kids or animals- is a kink. I see those as acts of violence- I should have made that clear in the essay though.
I'd like to say I've never judged anyone. But I'd be a liar. The one thing I have done mostly successfully is keep my opinions to myself. I may not agree with something I'm seeing, I may think she or he is crazy for doing what they are doing. But I don't openly judge. I don't try to stop them. I change the channel.
As for criminalizing kink- it's one of my husbands biggest fears. Could our children be taken from us? Could he be arrested for domestic violence without me pressing charges? These are his worries- and unfortunately in some places and some times they are valid.
I totally agree with you, we should own our kink. We should respect the fact that others have different kinks than we do, and we should keep our opinions to ourselves when someone else's kink is not your kink. The nailing of breasts would have been too much for me too, but like you, I would have kept my opinion to myself.
Thanks for sharing your views 🙂
I'm with you 100% on your last paragraph. Don't let anyone stop you, if you enjoy your kink.
Fabulous post! I love the non-judgemental feel of it as well!! Beautifully put together!