Nightcrawlers are disgusting. The way they creep around the dirt at my feet, it’s gross. Lovers kissing is another vile thing I have to put up with being planted here in the middle of central park.

Men saying the dumbest things to get the girl to go all googley eyed for him before he leans in for a kiss, and a grope! I don’t understand the desire for breasts. I have knobs on my trunk; no one tries to fondle them!

Necks, now those are sexy!  Last night I saw the most beautiful woman with a long neck and healthy looking skin. I don’t care so much for bodies, but her white, smooth skin glowed in the moonlight.  The man she was with didn’t look as healthy as her, though. His skin was gray and dull, like he’d been washed in dirty water and left out on the drying line too long after it rained.

They sat on the bench beneath my branches, as most couples do. I’m bushier than most trees here in the part, and couples can hide better from prying eyes.

“It was a great night.” She smiled at him, scraping her bottom lip against her teeth, like she was trying to remove some imaginary film.

“Yes.” He wrapped his arm around her, pulling her closer to him.  His hand brushed along her collar bone and swept her hair behind her shoulder. That’s when I saw her neck. A large throbbing vein protruded when she tilted her head further away, giving her neck to him.

Had I eyes, and blinked, I would have missed it. The man leaned his head back and opened his mouth. Two large fangs snapped out of his upper gums and he groaned as though he were in pain before sinking his teeth into the beautiful neck.

The girl yelped, then giggled.  Her fingers rested on his cheek as he drank from her. A trickle of dark, thick blood slid down her throat. His free hand wandered to her blouse, unbuttoning it. She arched her back, letting him fondle her breasts while he continued to suckle her neck.

It was like watching a strange mating ritual that I had not seen before. Living in the middle of central park, I’ve seen plenty of mating.   She rocked back and forth as he finished his meal. His fingers danced over her naked nipples.  When he finished, he pulled away from her, leaving the blood on his chin as he did so. She looked up at him, love in her gaze- lust in her throat.

“Make me.” She begged.  He grinned. A quick bite to his own wrist and he placed it over her mouth. She held fast to him, keeping her eyes locked on his.  It was all over in a few moments, too quick for most people to take time to even notice. She had her blouse buttoned back up, and they headed off together holding hands towards the thicker area of trees.

I didn’t see them come out this morning, but I’m keeping an eye out for them.

Maybe they can keep the nightcrawlers away from my roots.

I’ll confess, the hubby and I have started watching True Blood so I had vampires on my brain.  Next week will be sexier, I promise.